And This is How I feel About Moving

January 23, 2014 — 9 Comments

home from school

packing

city snow

home

There is a part of me that desperately wants to stay in the city. I’ll miss the closeness of the old homes, walking the kids back from school, seeing neighbors at the grocery store and the post office and the playground and everywhere in-between. I’ll miss the ease of community, how it happens just because we’re all right there together and life overlaps in ways we don’t plan.

There is a part of me that desperately wants to stay in the city.

But I have to admit, there’s a larger part of me that wants to be the family that stays in the city. I want us to love that life, to thrive there and raise our children to be city dwellers, ones who encounter all manner of people in the course of an everyday and are better for it. I want chain restaurants and franchised coffeeshops to remain unfamiliar to their urban sensibilities. I want them to never hesitate to say hi to Rita as she walks past our house several times a day, always think nothing of offering her a coat in the winter or a glass of ice water in the summer. I want to watch them stand on the fence and wave at Mr. Charlie as he walks to and from the bus stop, to insist on pausing our afternoon walk to pet Hero the dog through the chainlink two doors down, to ask for a blueberry muffin from Dan and Ellen at the bakery every Saturday until kingdom come.

I want those things for me and for them because I love it here. I love it all.

country kids

But then we visit my mom. We drive the long road past the horse barns and cattle, past the lake, past the sailboats in the harbor, and we arrive at a house that feels like home. There’s a fire in the fireplace and chili on the stove and the kids’ bikes are parked in the garage because they have room to ride them here. The children run to examine the Christmas tree, followed by an inspection with six little hands of the ceramic nativity scene I’ve known since childhood. These things happen in the span of two minutes, and immediately our moods lift. The stress my husband and I share in this beautiful life – the stress that at times is almost palpable and was evident even in our conversation on the drive over – it is eased just by being here.

Maybe it’s the presence of family and the memories of childhood and of my dad who’s gone to be with Jesus. Maybe it’s the large yard that backs up to the woods and offers room to for our children and our spirits to run. Maybe it’s the water and the way the sunset lights up the trees.

All I know is life makes more sense here. We make more sense here.

I am terrified of leaving the life we’ve made, the home and the people we know. But I can’t say no to the pull I feel – the pull we feel – to leave it for something better. Not better for everyone, not better for the us of eight years ago, but better for us today. Better for us tomorrow.

We’ve been given such a good life. May we never refuse to leave it because we don’t believe there could be something better, there could be something good that’s next.

I think it is our time. I can feel it in my gut.

Here goes nothing… and everything.

moving from the city

On December 17, I sat down in the living room of my mother’s house and typed these words on my phone. A few days later we made an offer on an old, white farmhouse outside the city, near her home. In the weeks since, we’ve packed up and moved out of our home of 8 years, and it sold days ago. Nothing and everything, indeed. 

We are grateful. We are exhausted. We are excited about the adventure to come. Thank you for your prayers and well wishes; keep ‘em coming. xo

9 responses to And This is How I feel About Moving

  1. i’m with ya girl! i can’t WAIT to see your new-old house!!!

  2. I’ll miss having you right across town but I’m looking forward to making new memories in this new house of yours.

  3. Ah, sweet girl! Can I just say that as a grandma myself, the thought of having some of my kids and grandkids nearby, especially if I were widowed? Well that just feels like a whole lot of gospel to me. Many, many blessings to you all as you make this transition!!

  4. MOAR PICTURES!

    I get this, in so many ways. Sometimes, it’s hard to accept what is and give up the dream of what you wish it could be.

  5. I’m not sure where you are in relation to Historic Old Hickory Village, but you may find some of the charm you’re missing from the city here. We have a playground, community center, post office, barber shop, coffee shop and taco grill in our little square. Come visit! I’ll give you the dime tour.

  6. Amanda, your words resonate with me! My family moved from Arizona to Kansas when I was 9, and I was madder than a hornet because I was leaving MY PLACE. In college, I lived in 6 different residences…just when I got comfortable, it was time to change.

    The great thing is that good exists in all places. No one city has the monopoly on memory-making, good coffee shops, and endearing neighbors. This is a new adventure, and God will do immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine!

  7. I’m just now catching up and reading your whys of moving. I hope you find beautiful community where you’ve moved and peace and joy in your new surroundings. What a move! Xoxo Sharon

  8. You speak so much of the struggle I am having right now. I am curious, what has the move to the country been like so far? Have you been able to pinpoint the “better things” in your short time of living there? Do you wonder what if you had chosen the other option? Curious to hear your thoughts.

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