Our Christmas cards arrived on a Thursday. 120 of them because I’m a people pleaser. This is the same reason I cried actual tears when we had to whittle our wedding guest list down to that same number. Saying no is hard for me, you guys.
Back to the cards. As usual, there was no family photo. In four years as a family of five we’ve not managed such a feat. So the card would feature a collage of instagrams, naturally, because taking a quick photo with my phone? That I can handle. It’s the scheduling a photo shoot in advance, setting aside money to pay for it, making sure everyone bathes within the 48-hour window preceding the photo shoot, and having everyone’s non-holey jeans and best long-sleeve shirts clean on the appointed day that I can’t seem to make happen. I’m sure you understand.
So the cards arrived, and I was pretty proud to find the box on the front porch that day. It was only December 5, after all, AND the cards were 60% off AND this gave me plenty of time to procrastinate and still get them out by Christmas week. Success all around.
I opened them and they were lovely, in our charming, no-bath-no-family-photo kind of way.
And then I laughed so hard I nearly cried.
Merry Christmas from the Connors, everyone! And also from us… THE WILLIAMS FAMILY.
I cannot even tell you how this little card exemplifies the month we’ve had. I’ve been sick then well then sick then well then sick again. The kids were sick somewhere in there, too, but the Hub managed to keep his ironclad immune system operating properly which is always a relief slash super annoying. There was a solo parenting venture in there, too – just four days, but that’ll do – and did I mention our pets have issues? Poor Coltrane, the 90lb lab, had his tail amputated 2 days before the card incident, and we learned that Dakota, the 70lb lab, has heartworms. Heartworms, people. Oh, and also a double ear infection, a urinary tract infection and a severe allergic reaction that makes her skin flake off like WHOA.
I should probably have spared you the unfortunate details, but you need to understand it is like a scene from Dumb and Dumber up in here. “Our pets’ HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!” Except not heads but tails.
The cards arrived and I laughed. And laughed. And instagrammed it and laughed some more. I called the Snapfish guy and he laughed with me, and then he arranged for me to get a refund because in actuality he was an angel disguised as a customer service rep and he could tell I meant well. Really, I did.
And after we hung up, that’s when I realized – This card is perfect. If our life could be summed up in a card? This would be it. “Merry Christmas from the Connors! Our life is crazy and loud and never ever together! Love us anyway!”
Also? I knew these weren’t just cards. They were manna from heaven. They were a reminder from the universe’s most creative comic. If you’d just spent the equivalent of a mortgage payment at the vet and someone offered you a free $80, would you take it? I hope so.
And that is why 90% of our Christmas cards will be mailed out like this:
And a Happy New Year!
Confession: I did order 20 corrected cards for those special people in our lives who might find the other A) confusing or B) unfunny. Just know that if you receive a card from the Connors this Christmas, we’ll probably be friends forever.
: : : : : :
What crazy/funny/typical things have brought you back down to earth this holiday season? Please tell me your stories. Make me feel normal, you guys. xo
Oh! And here. Enjoy.