Merry Christmas from the Connors!

December 12, 2013 — 30 Comments

Our Christmas cards arrived on a Thursday. 120 of them because I’m a people pleaser. This is the same reason I cried actual tears when we had to whittle our wedding guest list down to that same number. Saying no is hard for me, you guys.

Back to the cards. As usual, there was no family photo. In four years as a family of five we’ve not managed such a feat. So the card would feature a collage of instagrams, naturally, because taking a quick photo with my phone? That I can handle. It’s the scheduling a photo shoot in advance, setting aside money to pay for it, making sure everyone bathes within the 48-hour window preceding the photo shoot, and having everyone’s non-holey jeans and best long-sleeve shirts clean on the appointed day that I can’t seem to make happen. I’m sure you understand.

So the cards arrived, and I was pretty proud to find the box on the front porch that day. It was only December 5, after all, AND the cards were 60% off AND this gave me plenty of time to procrastinate and still get them out by Christmas week. Success all around.

I opened them and they were lovely, in our charming, no-bath-no-family-photo kind of way.

And then I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

Image

Yep.

Merry Christmas from the Connors, everyone! And also from us… THE WILLIAMS FAMILY.

I cannot even tell you how this little card exemplifies the month we’ve had. I’ve been sick then well then sick then well then sick again. The kids were sick somewhere in there, too, but the Hub managed to keep his ironclad immune system operating properly which is always a relief slash super annoying. There was a solo parenting venture in there, too – just four days, but that’ll do – and did I mention our pets have issues? Poor Coltrane, the 90lb lab, had his tail amputated 2 days before the card incident, and we learned that Dakota, the 70lb lab, has heartworms. Heartworms, people. Oh, and also a double ear infection, a urinary tract infection and a severe allergic reaction that makes her skin flake off like WHOA.

I should probably have spared you the unfortunate details, but you need to understand it is like a scene from Dumb and Dumber up in here. “Our pets’ HEADS ARE FALLIN’ OFF!” Except not heads but tails.

Moving on.

The cards arrived and I laughed. And laughed. And instagrammed it and laughed some more. I called the Snapfish guy and he laughed with me, and then he arranged for me to get a refund because in actuality he was an angel disguised as a customer service rep and he could tell I meant well. Really, I did.

And after we hung up, that’s when I realized – This card is perfect. If our life could be summed up in a card? This would be it. “Merry Christmas from the Connors! Our life is crazy and loud and never ever together! Love us anyway!”

Also? I knew these weren’t just cards. They were manna from heaven. They were a reminder from the universe’s most creative comic. If you’d just spent the equivalent of a mortgage payment at the vet and someone offered you a free $80, would you take it? I hope so.

And that is why 90% of our Christmas cards will be mailed out like this:

Image 1

And a Happy New Year!

Confession: I did order 20 corrected cards for those special people in our lives who might find the other A) confusing or B) unfunny. Just know that if you receive a card from the Connors this Christmas, we’ll probably be friends forever.

: : : : : :

What crazy/funny/typical things have brought you back down to earth this holiday season? Please tell me your stories. Make me feel normal, you guys. xo

Oh! And here. Enjoy.

30 responses to Merry Christmas from the Connors!

  1. I love this. So very much.

  2. Oh I love this and I love you.

  3. So awesome. Sorry you’ve had such a lousy month! Ours has been really lousy too. Ear infections, car problems, stomach bugs, blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I digress. Let’s make the most of it anyways, right!!

    • Man, what is it about winter?! We’re still in (decently) good spirits over here, but when you list out all the madness it is a little crazy. And I haven’t even mentioned that we might move out of our house. Ahem. Let’s save that for another time.

  4. This made me smile. Merry Christmas Conners!

  5. Oh, man. I’m laughing with you. I cannot believe Dakota has troubles, too! This is too much. Please call me if I can be of assistance!

  6. Merry freaking Christmas. And a happy freaking New Year. Love to you all.

  7. Oh man. Hilarious!!!

    Also, as an encouraging side note, our big ol farm dog Batman was heartworm positive when we got him (as a six year old dog who had never been to the vet before in his life!) and he’s chugging along just fine now as an almost eight year old. :) Here’s hoping that all the inhabitants of your house, both canine and human, have a much healthier month from now on!!

    • That actually is encouraging. Thank you! The crazy thing is you would never know she’s even sick! She’s so laid back and happy, it’s crazy to me that she has this laundry list of major issues. Crossing our fingers that it stays that way and treating what we can. xo

  8. Oh man I love your attitude, please always feel free to have your lovely perspective with me anytime because I could use it.

  9. This is perfect. I love it. And yes, you take the free $80, of course!

  10. Tears as I read this laughing.

    OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF.

    Why don’t we live closer? xo

  11. I hope I get a card from The Conners!!

  12. Oh, Amanda. This made me cry a little and laugh a lot. This is SO something that would happen to me and I totally get it. Those Connors are cool cats.

  13. I love this with all my heart!!!!! I better be getting a card from the Connors every single year!!!!

    AND – I spy a card from the over-achieving, can’t-even-wait-until-Chrsitmas-week Myers family. Nerds. What’s wrong with them?

    Love you fiercely!
    R

  14. Please send me a Connor card!!!

  15. This is amazing. Also, my new goal for the rest of my life: no matter what happens, no matter how old I get, ALWAYS be the type of person who would receive a Connor card, not a Williams one. Double also, I love when you post and you are my favorite. This brings I close to the holiday, I’m going to go ahead and consider it a Christmas gift especially for me.

  16. i’m so glad you ended up keeping and sending out the connor ones! so fun. great perspective.

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