Day 28: The Monster (it comes out)

October 30, 2013 — 10 Comments

There is a reason I’ve left these posts for last. These topics are not easy to discuss, even for those of us who are willing. And for those of us who aren’t – for we who keep these secrets buried in our hearts and homes for fear of what the light might bring – it can be downright terrifying.

So here goes, friends. Let’s shine some light in that darkness.

Here is the first of three Secrets I will post today.

morningtime

Secret #28: Sometimes we yell at our kids.

Sometimes the monster comes out. For me, it is a monster I’d never met until I had children – which, you know, makes me feel AWESOME. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve yelled at someone in my life… until I had these sweet babies.

Sigh.

As mamas, we have a new understanding of Dr. Jekyll’s condition. We are not proud of this. In fact, we are quite ashamed. But we have raised our voices in the heat of the moment and we have said things we shouldn’t and we are afraid to tell you so.

Early in my parenting career (should we all start using that phrase in hopes that someone might start paying us?), I learned an important truth:

Apologizing to my children is not only permissible, it is vital. 

Some may argue against this, saying it dilutes parental authority, confuses the child, and so on. And maybe to an extent this is true. What is truer, however, is that there are times I owe my children an apology. They are real people with real feelings and tender hearts. And I want them to know I love them enough to admit when I fall, to say I’m sorry when I’m wrong, and to teach them that even grownups need grace. Lots and lots of grace.

Yes, sometimes I blow my top. Sometimes I raise my voice. Sometimes I act like a class-A jerk to the people I love most. I hurl careless words at these insanely cute human beings I have the privilege of raising into adults. And I tell them I’m sorry and I tell them I love them, and we pray to God that He will help us love each other better, the way that He loves us.

Then we play Star Wars or eat a cookie or read a book, or we just sit quietly for awhile.

And all of that is grace.

This secret is related to the next, one of my deepest and darkest that I am learning to say out loud. I’ll tell it here later today for those of you who carry it, too…

:   :   :   :   :   :   :   :

31 Secrets 300px

I’m linking up with The Nester every day in October for #31Days.
You can find a list of all 31 posts as they are published by clicking here.

10 responses to Day 28: The Monster (it comes out)

  1. Just stumbled across your blog. Awesome thoughts. I’ll have to go back + read all of your 31 days now. Thanks for keeping it real. :)

  2. Today I wanted to yell at my children, “Nobody ask me for anything for the next 5 minutes!” I didn’t yell that, although I did say through my teeth, “Nobody talk to mommy while she is driving through this traffic.”

    Sigh.

    I hate how often I hear myself yelling, “STOP,” instead of asking politely. My kids are starting to mimic that one.

  3. by the way… did I ever tell you about my young friend Rachel? She was an amazing 10th grader when I first met her – as we worked side-by-side building a Habitat for Humanity house. Rachel graduated high school Valedictorian and in her speech she said that her father was her hero because he was never afraid or too ashamed to apologize to her, when he wronged her. She went on to say that his example of owning his mistakes, even though he was her parent and he could have easily justified them, has been the key attribute that has formed and shaped her approach to her relationships, her dreams, her understanding of God. She closed by saying, “So thanks to his example… I am learning to own my mistakes… so that they never own me.”

    Yep.

  4. Thank you for apologizing to your children. I guarantee you they need to hear it. Plus, it teaches them to learn to say, “I’m sorry.” Keep up the good work!

  5. What I mean is that kids need to hear someone apologize when they’ve been wronged. They need to know that sometimes they get hurt and those feelings are valid.

    I hope this is coming across the way that I mean it in my head…

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  1. Secrets Moms Keep: 31 Days | life. edited. - November 5, 2013

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